Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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