these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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