I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
