Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
