Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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