Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
