Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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