Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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