Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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