Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize