maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
