ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
