it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
