I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
