I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
