oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
