I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
