Pappa wants mamma naked
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
