this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
