Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
