WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
