so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
