Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize