My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
