your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
