i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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