Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
