he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
me + whiskey = a bad person
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Will exercising make me less horny?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize