It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
