I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize