I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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