we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
