the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
