I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
