When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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