I'm so fucking centered right now
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Randomize