You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
