i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
