he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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