So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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