She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
