Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
