Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
