My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
