He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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