dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
