On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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