He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
