i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
