My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
