i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
