I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
