I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just google imaged poop.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
