what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
