if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
