I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is the high leading the old right now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
