i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
