I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize