I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
