yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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