you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
