Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm passing your future prison.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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