this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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