I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
