I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
