Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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