Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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