in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
