forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
