There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
