He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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