Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
