Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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