I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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