I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
