I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
