His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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