So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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