I faked an abortion last night.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
