if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
home. puking in laundry basket.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
