You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
