What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My balls are so social today.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
