why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
