I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
