Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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