Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
