Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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