It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
