I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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