Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
