I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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