i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
