Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize