The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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