I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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